Ah, that time of the year when you see a heap of fancily done cards at home and roll your eyes, before buying an outfit to impress people you don’t like. Love or hate them, but you can’t ignore Indian weddings. Here’s why:
1) A better networking tool for gossip and news than any social network
League of extraordinary newswomen, Source: india-forums.com
The yearly shaadi leaves WhatsApp, Facebook, CNN, Mumbai Mirror and Times Now in the dust when it comes to circulating the latest juice on everybody and anybody. More of us are guilty of indulging in it than we care to admit. And we love it!
2) The annoying matchmaking relative
From methodically questioning you about your ideal man to getting cardiac arrests when she realizes you’re on the wrong side of 25 (a real thing among relatives), she makes it her mission to find your parents their ideal damaad or bahu. You couldn’t care less because butter chicken’s lesser commitment. But will we ever not see them in a shaadi? Absolutely effin’ not!
3) That wedding crush you ain’t got a chance with
Be mine, pliss? Source: bookmyshow.com
For the few who do take shaadis as serious grounds for meeting new people, there’s always that one stunner who is taken, too old, lives in Oahu (or another weirdly named place) or simply ‘hamare yahan ka nahi hai’. Sigh, if only parents were as jugaadu with matches as with cars and computers.
4) The food
Needless to say, the MVP of any wedding ever. We may forget our crushes, but we will never forget the creamines of that mutter paneer with that garlic naan that you will cry about during your next workout. They’re essentially the item songs of a wedding, after all what else can get in the crowds?
5) The bride and groom’s impending lockjaw
For all the sultry Bollywood references of a suhagraat, what is puzzling is if the newlywed couple even wish to interact with each other after several hours of smiling alongside people they know, may know, have never met, never wish to meet and the occasional photo-bomb.
Hold that, bro. I need a break, Source: missmalini.com
The constant smiling smacks of such yoloness (because you’d rather have ten million pictures clicked, just in case satan claims you right after your wedding) that it makes me feel selfies are really a clandestine plan for females to prepare for posing on their big day, unless their baaraat ends like Queen.
6) Being shamed if you don’t help in a family wedding
That laziness and cynicism suddenly feels peaceful compared to the curses we get if we don’t give a hand, leg, day, money, bedroom, time to incoming guests at a wedding.
Because no insult beats ‘koi nai aayega Teri shaadi mein dekh Lena!’
7) Missing out on food because family dines last
I got dibs, niggaa! Source: brownsugie.blogspot.com
The pain of missing out on those heavenly Seekh Kababs just because every guest cleaned them out first is pretty harsh. Nevertheless, you could probably take revenge by doing the same at other weddings, coz there is always one around the corner.
8) Wondering who gets martyred next
Our single, independent selves may look on with sadness as yet another of us is hitched away for good (hopefully). But it will always make us wonder who is on the chopping board next. *nervously adjusts collar*.
Thus, despite all of the extreme emotions they evoke, Indian weddings will never cease to amaze us!